January 2016, Askam-in-Furness
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
George Burns
I've noticed that I interact with so much more love and tenderness and acceptance these days.
Some veils have lifted. I never knew they were there. Or was it the tears I'd shed that had washed my eyes?
What's going on in our family this year?
It was such a shock. He died of a heart attack. So vibrant so active.
My Auntie Eileen, my mum's sister was so brave yet deep pain poured from her eyes more poignantly than her tears.
A wonderful couple now snapped in two.
I saw relatives who I only see at funerals, weddings, and christenings.
I felt a sadness that a whole generation was passing and we had hardly any contact with each other.
We hadn't got to know each other's children. The next generation in our family.
Who had been the lynch pin that held us all together? Did they forget to pass on the baton? Did we all just get lazy and content ourselves with our parochial lives?
I spoke with Auntie Amy and cousin June for quite some time. I felt we really connected this time rather than exchange platitudes and pleasantries.
Is it me who has changed? Is it their sympathy for me that has opened up all our hearts?
Who knows.
One thing feels clear, it felt very good. I loved being with them all. It took me away from the illness that had become my obsession.
And then... Surgery on the horizon.
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