11. Be Happy

January 2016, Chorley, Thornton-Cleveleys

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”  Albert Camus

My youngest came home from London for the weekend.  Full of sunshine.
I woke early and went to the beach. I love it down there especially when the tide is out and I can walk barefoot along the water's edge.

A burst water pipe behind the boiler. 
Garage and laundry flooded.
Happy that Mike was home to help. My partner was away working that weekend.
No water. No heating. No shower. No bath.
First world problems.

The British Gas engineer said, " This boiler's cost us over £600 in parts! It'd take us years to get our money back from you. It's costing us too much to keep you on contract." Blah blah blah blah blah.
Be happy.
There's more to life than service contracts.

Whilst on the subject of service contracts, 
I hereby declare that I will never default on my new contract in caring for, nurturing,checking, putting my amazing body number one every time.

It's been through a lot and I didn't realise it was struggling so much.
I just took my health for granted. 
It generally bounces back so graciously and effortlessly or so I thought.
Just as when injured physically or emotionally, we bear the scars, so too does our internal cellular and visceral mechanics. Scar upon scar with choice upon choice. Neglect after neglect.
Then we are surprised when illness emerges. Or perhaps I should say I was surprised.
The sarcoma nurse told me the leiomyosarcoma was nothing to do with me.
" Just bad luck" 
I don't agree. I had played a part, albeit unwittingly and it hadn't been that obvious to me that I was putting my body under great stress for a long time.
I had felt more fatigued than usual but surely that was because I'd been working ridiculously long hours doing what I love doing. Helping others with their wellbeing.
And there lies the irony. Miss Wellbeing has cancer. 
Days, weeks, months, years advising, guiding, and being totally outward focusing.
I was so intent on making a difference to people's lives. I forgot about my own health. Never having time for anything. Losing the work/life balance that I so often talked about. Being so busy I would forget to eat and then suddenly feel so hungry I'd grab the first available filler. 

Generally my diet was good. When people discovered I had cancer, they said but you eat so heathily, how is it possible? Diet is massively important but many other factors play a part in this illness. I'm no expert but subjecting your body to long term stress is one of them. Ignoring warning signs like irritability in the gut, crash and burn phases, etc. 
Oh and I'm not sure if one can be genetically pre-disposed to developing sarcoma, but there's been a lot of other different types of cancer in our family on both sides. 
There's a lot of uncertainty and mystery surrounding sarcoma because there hasn't been enough research due to it's rarity. 
Oddball me? Never.