1. Innocuous Lump

November 2015, Thornton-Cleveleys

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in.
That's what this storm is all about." Haruki Murakami

eggs cream brandy sauce cloves honey cucumber spring onions dessert wine cheese (not blue) chestnuts bananas sliced white sherry vinegar cinnamon black pepper black olives limes fresh ginger sage leaves leeks hummus tree baubles lights soft mixer drinks biscuits for cheese artisan breads butter cream Monbaziac x 3 Red x 6 White x 6 liqueurs cognac organic meat hamper veggies fruit mince pies nibbles ingredients for goodwill pie ingredients for alpine sour ingredients for mulled wine serving dishes christmas crackers advent gifts local cheeses holly and mistletoe table runner biscuits sweets and chocs cards do hot tub bedding house clean deliver to Jo Chris and Sue sweep leaves.

I like lists. When I make lists it stops the swirling around in my head. I'm a bit dizzy you see. It helps me focus and get the job done in half the time. This list is chaotic. I expect you abandoned reading the list part way through it. It happened at a chaotic time. Actually a totally shit time.

Christmas 2015 was fast approaching. I was a bit tired but kind of up for it. We'd been really busy and actually I'd been working crazy hours for years.

The whole family was coming home including future in-laws. I wanted to make it special. Four months later at the back of my Muji notebook I found that shopping list and scrawled at the bottom of one of the pages "That's such a f*****g middle-class list"
The Christmas shopping list seemed so unnecessary; drawn as usual into the festive shop til you drop.

Earlier in the year, I'd noticed an innocuous lump on my lower left leg. It wasn't sore. It didn't show signs of growing. It was about the size of a marble and I thought no more of it.